Description
When “ceramic” actually means ceramic.
Tired of ceramic polishes that contain less ceramic than a used coffee filter? Introducing KaleCoAuto Real Ceramic Car Polish: a revolutionary surface treatment formulated with 100% recycled and pulverized tableware. It’s like buffing your ride with Grandma’s best china, but without all the generational guilt.
What makes it Real?
Ground-up teacups, saucers, plates, and the occasional flowerpot, shredded in a vintage industrial mill that we thought about cleaning. Suspended in a mystery carrier fluid of suspiciously satisfying viscosity and packaged in a KaleCoAuto blue quart bottle for authentic 1972 garage cred.
Benefits Include:
- Unbeatable abrasion, courtesy of your Aunt Ethel’s retired dinner service
- Perfect pairing with our Polishing Pads
- Fills swirl marks and scratches with the shattered dreams of every potluck
- Provides a durable, hard, semi-gloss finish that would make a rooster jealous
- Smells faintly of arguments at the dinner table and broken dishes
- Now 30% recycled Porcelain Brakes!
Instructions for Use:
Shake well (ceramic chunks settle, believe it or not)
Simply wipe on by hand or machine with a KaleCoAuto polishing pad
Buff gently until your car shines like a new porcelain urinal
Finally, kiln fire the entire car at 2,300 degrees Fahrenheit (1,260 °C) for 8 to 12 hours to fully cure the ceramic finish
Cool thoroughly before driving, or else risk branding your driveway with something that would shame the moon landing
CAUTION: Kiln not included. Please check with local building codes before constructing a garage-sized pottery oven. Patriot Pyro Flares should not be used if Kiln cannot be sourced.
Alex Smart –
As a pro detailer, I’ve tested more ceramic polishes than I can count, and this one surprised me. It actually laid down a reasonable hydrophobic layer, though don’t expect it to survive a gravel-storm or a trip through a cheap car wash. Respectable gloss, easy wipe-off, and decent protection for a driveway job.
Sam Buck –
Honestly, I just wanted my car to look shiny for the neighborhood cookout, and this stuff worked fine. Water beads right off, and it made me look like I know what I’m doing, which is pretty cool. Might even polish the wife’s SUV next.