Real Ceramic Car Polish

Description

When “ceramic” actually means ceramic.

Tired of ceramic polishes that contain less ceramic than a used coffee filter? Introducing KaleCoAuto Real Ceramic Car Polish: a revolutionary surface treatment formulated with 100% recycled and pulverized tableware. It’s like buffing your ride with Grandma’s best china, but without all the generational guilt.

What makes it Real?

Ground-up teacups, saucers, plates, and the occasional flowerpot, shredded in a vintage industrial mill that we thought about cleaning. Suspended in a mystery carrier fluid of suspiciously satisfying viscosity and packaged in a KaleCoAuto blue quart bottle for authentic 1972 garage cred.

Benefits Include:

• Unbeatable abrasion, courtesy of your Aunt Ethel’s retired dinner service
• Perfect pairing with our Polishing Pads
• Fills swirl marks and scratches with the shattered dreams of every potluck
• Provides a durable, hard, semi-gloss finish that would make a rooster jealous
• Smells faintly of arguments at the dinner table and broken dishes

Instructions for Use:

Shake well (ceramic chunks settle, believe it or not)
Simply wipe on by hand or machine  with a KaleCoAuto polishing pad
Buff gently until your car shines like a new porcelain urinal
Finally, kiln fire the entire car at 2,300 degrees Fahrenheit (1,260 °C) for 8 to 12 hours to fully cure the ceramic finish
Cool thoroughly before driving, or else risk branding your driveway with something that would shame the moon landing

CAUTION: Kiln not included. Please check with local building codes before constructing a garage-sized pottery oven. Patriot Pyro Flares should not be used if Kiln cannot be sourced.