Fragile Masculinity Tape

$69.69

For the man who taught his son to change a tire but not express human emotion. Fragile Masculinity Tape  is perfect for holding together your tool chest and your complete inability to say “I love you.” Trusted by self-proclaimed alphas everywhere. Strong enough to fix a lawn chair. Not strong enough to fix your relationship…

SKU: B1GM4N
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Description

There comes a time in every man’s life when the weight of emotions, empathy, or cardigan sweaters becomes too much. That’s where Fragile Masculinity Tape  comes in. Whether your voice cracked during a heartfelt conversation, or someone offered you almond milk and you didn’t know what to do:we’ve got your back. And your front. And whatever part of you thinks watching “The Notebook” voids your gym gains.

This ultra-manly tape is engineered to reinforce any fractures in your masculinity, no matter how paper-thin your identity veneer has become. Just wrap it around your ego, your cold brew protein shaker, or the steering wheel of your oversized truck, and let the toxic adhesive do the rest.

  • Printed with confidence-boosting phrases like “I LIFT THINGS” and “DON’T NEED THERAPY, GOT A GARAGE”
  • Decorated with barbed wire, monster trucks, whiskey, eagles, and the absence of fatherly affection
  • Industrial-strength adhesion to patch over self-doubt, emotional unavailability, or that one time you had allergies at a Pixar movie
  • Comes in Charcoal-Suppressant Gray, the manliest hue since Mustache Brown
  • Works great for holding together toolboxes, vape pens, or your dating profile where you claim to love dogs but actually mean wolves

Apply liberally to the cracks in your identity. Peel, stick, and pretend everything’s fine.

Disclaimer: Not responsible for side effects including: accidental vulnerability, desire to journal, or newfound respect for women. Will not fix your truck, your childhood, or your relationships. Do not attempt to eat. Especially if you’re trying to “bulk.”

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